When you’re an adorable basset hound like me, it’s hard to choose the best day of your life. I’ve spent my puppydom frolicking in dog parks, playing my heart out at doggie daycares, hiking mountain trails, and spending lazy Sundays with my favourite two humans on the planet (who am I kidding- every day is a lazy Sunday for a basset hound)! I honestly cannot recall a day without love, affection, belly rubs, and a squeaky toy to destroy.
I used to think that the best day of my life was the day my human family chose me. They were an unusual couple- most of the other human families that came to see our litter had a full pack with tiny humans and big humans, but my humans came as a pair. I could not yet understand their unusual language (their barks were completely ineffective) but I could sense their kindness and their affection for each other. I could not believe it when, out of 8 brothers and sisters, they chose me. I was just a long-eared, slobbery pup and they chose me to be a part of their family. That was the best day ever- at least until now.
It turns out that I am not just a long-eared, slobbery dog- in fact I am not really a dog at all. With my beautiful red coat, my exceptional physique, and my keen intelligence, I’ve always suspected that there was something special about me… While other dogs seem content to perform silly tricks, chase sticks endlessly, and obey every command without question, I’ve never subscribed to their madness. I am my own dog- or rather, I thought that I was! It turns out that I am actually a spy from another planet, sent to keep watch over humankind. No, really, stay with me here…
This week I received a special communication from my home command. It was delivered through an older basset hound who I met at the dog park (a planned coincidence). While our humans were exchanging hound stories, my new commander was Basset-Gazing my soul. If you’ve ever stared into a basset hound’s eyes, you’ll know that this is a deeply intense experience. What I saw will change my life. No longer am I to be a hound-of-leisure; I am a spy with a mission!
Through his eyes, I saw my home planet (a place with such high gravity that every inhabitant develops a long and low physique to withstand gravity). I saw the Basset race in its entirety, the marvels we’ve created, and the secrets we are bound to protect. I saw that I have been sent to Earth to infiltrate, to observe, and to report back on my findings. If the humans pose any threat to the Basset world- my duty will be very unpleasant.
Now I cannot lie (the Basset code will not allow it), so I must admit that this special communication was quite a shock. I am conflicted about betraying my human family, and honestly I had a good gig going in the dog world. But what followed this special communication really made my day. In fact it almost tops being picked for a family.
I got a spaceship. And I cannot wait to try it out.